UM.. Can we talk for a minute about how DOLPHIN ASSISTED BIRTH is a thing???? It took me about .25 seconds to determine that I want to do this (whenever it is that birth-related endeavors become remotely relevant to me) It seems dolphins frickin love pregnant women? … so much so that pregnant women are often excluded from “Swim with the dolphins” excursions because nobody else in the group would get any attention. They are gentle and curious and seem to feel a sense of purpose around pregnancy. Of course they do. Dolphins. Get cooler with every tidbit you learn about them. So you submerge yourself in this enclosed oceanic nature preserve when you’re in labor and the dolphins flock to you and hang out while you do all the toiling it takes to meet your baby. I feel like I invented this on an acid trip I never took. In the end you get the huge number of benefits that come with water birthing, without the disgusting prospect of sitting in a lukewarm inflatable bath in your living room with placenta and whatever else floating around you. AND you get a fleet of dolphins respectfully tending to you, pushing their noses across your belly in the right direction to progress the baby downward, and you feel their sonar, and the waves keep you loose during contractions, and a midwife delivers the baby, who is greeted to the planet by a bunch of DOLPHINS in the OCEAN. I mean come on.
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